In an effort to make more money, as well as celebrate the 75th anniversary, Hasbro has come out with a new round Monopoly. A new round Monopoly that has discourages cheating by having a debit card instead of cash.
To this I say NO. The point of Monopoly was cheating. It wasn’t about how many properties you could buy but about how many $500 you could take from the bank without anyone noticing. Nothing is the same anymore and this saddens me. Wah.
I come to my parent’s house and my dad is on the computer. It is their new favorite thing to do ever since they learned how. So my dad is like, we’re very busy. And I’m like, doing what? And he’s like, we’re on the computer. And I thought this was very cute. Anywho…
Both parentals know about the blog and I often tell them about the things I write about them. So I tell my mom that I wrote about our boyfriend conversation. Then I asked if she wanted to read it. And she’s like, yeah! Send it along. So then I was forced to give her a disclaimer. I said, ma. I curse. A lot. A lot. I say fuck all the time. And other very bad words. Naturally she wasn’t happy and so she’s like, that’s not nice. It’s not very proper and you sound uneducated. And I says, I know mom. I took a vacation and I cleansed the fuck out. And she’s like, You just tell them your mom said you can’t say it. And I says, of course I will.
My mom said I shouldn’t curse and so I won’t.
This means that sentences like “That bitch is a fucking cunt rag whore who _________________” will not be written anymore. (Mom: Cunt means szlaya piska toshta emeit zube) Not that I ever wrote that type of sentence but sometimes it takes dramatics to get a point across.
And my dad agrees with my mom.
Dad: I read your blog. All you do is fuck fuck everywhere.
Me: Tell me about it. That’s why I put myself on fuck probation.
Mom: She said she wasn’t going to do it anymore.
Dad: Fuck is not literature.
Mom: Leave her alone. She knows. She said she wasn’t going to do it anymore.
Dad: I’m just letting her know because I kind of fell out of love with her reading it.
Me: Papa doesn’t love me and mama is defending me. I don’t get it. I said I won’t say it anymore.
Dad: You can say it. Just don’t write it. I mean, what will you do if someone cuts you off?
I will sign language a fuck you to them. Duh.
Did you hear about those loser NYU kids who barricaded themselves inside the cafeteria to protest financial and academic issue and were then suspended? Well now you did. And good riddance to them. Suspend them all. Hang them from nooses if necessary. Yes, even if they’re black because otherwise that would be blatant discrimination.
The thing is this – NYU is overpriced. But didn’t you know this before you accepted to go there? Didn’t you know how much the school costs and how much financial aid you weren’t going to be getting? That’s like me going into a Bentley dealership, buying a Bentley, and then coming back to protest the next day because I think their cars are overpriced and oh, shit, I just lost my mistress gig and won’t have the money to pay for it. It’s complete douchebaggery.
And please know that there are many great schools in New York that cost less and teach more. Just because Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen went to NYU doesn’t mean it’s a good school. Because James Franco and Julia Stiles go to Columbia. I’m sure someone noteworthy has gone to Baruch. There’s the New School and a bunch of other places that never have such public problems. Is it the school or just that NYU accepts retards?
(Sidenote: I actually saw Julia Stiles when I was working at The Og. She smiled at me and my friend. Perhaps she didn’t want us following her? I also saw Ethan Hawke. He didn’t smile. In fact he walked in the opposite direction. Am not sure why. Was offended.)
Anywho, this is the end of my rant against NYU kids. Just know that I hate you and that you ruined the West Village for me. And perhaps instead of doing these stupid things, read a book and actually learn something. You’re wasting your parents money, yo. And I’m sure they hate you, too.