chickisms

picture13

New!

me: i dont like this cold. i feel like it shouldnt be this cold.
val: well, its february. and february is a historically cold month. just do what I do, divide by 10.
me: i dont get it.
me: ten months divided by 5 – so it will be warm in may.
me: but we have 12 months.
val: oh, whatever. 10 always works for me.

Me: Val! You dominate chickisms.
Val: I know. You told me I’m you’re muse for anger.
Me: No. It’s about stupid things girls say. You’re all over the place. And I’m kinda mean.

***Meet the Muses***

Val: It says we have to go to Westbury. Should I go East?

***

Val: I remember when I used to play with Barbies. I used to cut their hair off.
Charlene: Yeah, I used to bite their hands and feet off.
Me: What?
Charlene: What? Didn’t everyone?

***
Val: Why can’t we put multiple cards down? This is bullshit.
Michele: This isn’t bullshit, Valery. This is Uno.

***
Me: I have to go wash this filth off of me.
Raquel: You’ll still be filth.

8 responses to “chickisms

  1. theotherchickval

    do i get some kind of a chick prize for these? entertaining aint easy. or free.

  2. Jamie

    Today a man on the subway read a Haiku from his book entitles “Don’t beat your Children or they will end up like Me” Here is how it went:

    “…Why do women only check me out when I am with other women…..So i decided to start hangin with lesbians so we can both pick op the Chicks…”

    He also rambled about Crown Fried Chicken, but hopped off the F train to damn fast.

  3. theotherchickval

    ass face. i said its 10 divided by 2. not 5. i may not be bright but i know my division tables.

  4. Pat

    I think you’re bright Val, although there is no such thing as division tables.

  5. theotherchickval

    fucker. there i go again.

    can i make a disclaimer that i’m a foreigner? from a place where they dont use numbers. or tables.

  6. Im pretty sure they use numbers in Russian or what ever remote village in the former Soviet Union you are from.

  7. “…Why do women only check me out when I am with other women…..So i decided to start hangin with lesbians so we can both pick op the Chicks…”
    +1

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s