Category Archives: douche | baggery

new round monopoly

In an effort to make more money, as well as celebrate the 75th anniversary, Hasbro has come out with a new round Monopoly. A new round Monopoly that has discourages cheating by having a debit card instead of cash.

To this I say NO. The point of Monopoly was cheating. It wasn’t about how many properties you could buy but about how many $500 you could take from the bank without anyone noticing. Nothing is the same anymore and this saddens me. Wah.

found here!

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madonna makes friends with photoshop

Like most people, I derive joy from other people’s misery. And so what? Is it really so wrong to build my self esteem on the backs of before pictures? It’s better than talking shit about people, eh?

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when i grow up…

When I was working at The Og, we had to go to a lot of lunches with publishers. One day we went to lunch with some folks from Business.com and it was really one of the most annoying experiences of my life. Sales people are really annoying and animated and at the time, I wasn’t. Anyways, on the way back to the office, I was talking with one of my co-workers. The topic of happiness came up and I noted that I didn’t know too many happy people. So this girl was like, “well maybe you need new friends.” I was offended because I like my friends, happy or not. So I get defensive and I’m like “well maybe you need to grow the fuck up you stupid stuttering bitch.” I didn’t really say that but I wanted to.

Happiness isn’t the easiest thing to come by, especially when adult problems get in the way. But sometimes, it’s important to realize that life is short and not everything is a big deal. Unless it’s my problem, in which case it’s always a big deal. I can’t always practice what I preach.

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PETA is stupid

With Groundhogs day quickly approaching, the folks at PETA are scrambling to save weatherman Punxsutawney Phil (^). Instead of Phil breaking the news of a longer winter, PETA suggests a robot be used. Gemma Vaughn, an Animals in Entertainment Specialist wrote

“Make the compassionate decision to use an animatronic Phil and retire the live groundhogs who are used for Groundhog Day activities to a sanctuary. Tradition is no excuse for cruelty.”

Bill Deeley, president of the Club, thinks this bitch is crazy and had this to say….

“Phil is probably treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania. He’s got air conditioning in the summer, his pen is heated in winter … He has everything but a TV in there. What more do you want?”

I’m all for animal rights but PETA usually goes overboard. So overboard that their message is lost in the crazy. Me thinks everyone there needs a higher dose of the medication called “reality.”

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obama is black?

Crazy white people strike again.

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i love | to travel!

chickenporch

I hate people who say things like “I love to travel.” It’s like saying “I love bread.” Of course you love bread. It’s delicious. And traveling is fun. You get to leave your regular life and go hang out somewhere else. What is not lovable about this? Nothing. Exactly. So next time someone asks you what you enjoy to do, please refrain from saying traveling. Instead say you enjoy breathing. “I enjoy breathing. But only once in a while if the funds permit.”

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this is | fucking insane

transexual couple

“After twenty years of sex-free marriage, a frigid woman has discovered that her asexual husband is really a woman, and she finally admitted that she is really a man.”

What’s up with people getting married without having sex first? That’s just wrong.

More…

“Marco and Kalala Tergensonen, of Kuopio, Finland, had both been dressing as the opposite sex since their teenage years.

Marco, originally Marcia, 38, had always enjoyed dressing, talking, and acting like a woman.

And Kalala, originally Katu, had always enjoyed cutting his hair and dressing to look like a man.

When the couple fell in love and got married, it just made each of their little games that much more believable.

And, in twenty years, they just never got around to having sex. The subject simply never came up, since neither of them wanted to face the issue.”

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