I got on the rush hour F train last week and myself having to squeeze into a spot between a woman and her bicycle. I wondered if the bicycle had paid for the room it was taking up or if she snuck him in under the turnstile. Then I thought about how much I hated bicycle and the bitch who was walking him. I was under the impression that they were meant to be ridden outside and not taking up valuable space underground. But no, I was mistaken. Apparently those are last year’s rules and now that the earth is melting, there are new ones. Please see below.
Thou shalt ride your bicycle in designated bicycle-riding areas only. You will utilize the wheels for what they were created for and refrain from causing great discomfort to those not lucky enough to have wheels. Walking of bicycle is forbidden.
Thou shalt ride your bicycle all willy nilly and shit. The roads were meant for cars but only in theory. You shalln’t observe laws as you are a renegade and are working for a bigger cause – to save the earth, one peddle at a time. You shalln’t even have to ride as long as you carry it around with you, like an expensive accessory that showcases your intellectual wealth. Recruit as many riders as possible. Current goal: new energy sources.
You rules don’t scare me, bicycle. I have more horsepower than you. Always did and always will.
Why yes, you should definitely consider that a threat. So smart you are.