new | eminem

I can’t stand this shit. I know he makes these first singles for the masses but I’m over making fun of celebs and all that. We get it. I’m hoping the rest of the CD will be better because if its not, its going to be a major disappointment.

ugly | strippers

This is some sneaky warfare. Because the girls will all want to make sure they’re not one of the three ugly ones and they’ll always be questioning themselves and sleeping with the owner to get more dance time. Or something like that. I don’t really know anything about it because I didn’t have to pay for my own education.

Got it here.

i <3 | nyc

As much shit as I talk about the city, the truth is that I’m in love with it. But only the part located below 23rd St and only in the spring/summer. I’m sure I’ve had some lovely wintery uptown memories but for the most part they are all fuzzy. Anywho, I stumbled upon this cool blog this morning while I wasn’t working. Which actually isn’t even my fault today because I sent the man an email asking if he needed me to do anything and he ignored me.

The blog is called the weblicist of manhattan and its just basically pictures of the city, categorized by neighborhood and/or landmark. I dig it.

But that pic above is by Daniel.

anna wintour | phone number

It makes sense that Anna Wintour and Liza Minelli still have land lines. They’re old and perhaps need the phone line for their dial up.

Source.

still | fat

What a wonderful sign! It reminds me of when I used to send a friend motivational lose weight emails. Some of them would contain pictures of models with the subject reading “You don’t look like this. And you never will if you don’t stop eating” and others were nicer but not much so. Come to think of it, they were all really mean. But she lost the weight and so whatever. Sometimes you gotta bring a person down before you can pick them up.

Here.

that chick | i stalk | chap 3

I met that chick I stalk. This is how it happened.

I went to Starbucks like I always do and when I entered, that chick was sitting in a comfy cushion seat and right next to her was, gasp, an empty comfy cushion seat. This is when the sweat starting coming. But I’m a quick thinker and so I didn’t let nerves get the best of me. I went to claim the seat by putting my jacket down. “Can you make sure no heathen tries to steal this seat/my stuff while I get coffee?” I asked. “Definitely,” she said. I blushed.

I returned with my coffee and while I was really nervous, I decided to just get over it and talk to her. I mean, she said “definitely” when I asked her to watch my stuff. Obviously she wanted to be friends. And so I took a deep breath, adjusted my bag so that the rope didn’t show and started talking.

And she talked back!

And I pretty much found out everything I wanted to know. She is writing a book and she quit her job to do it. My hero. She was a very nice girl and I would like to see her again but now that I got what I needed, she’s no longer that chick I stalk. Like, I don’t even remember what she was wearing and the only reason I even wrote this was because the story needed a conclusion. I’m over it and shopping around for a new subject. Let me know if you’re not interested.

I feel so dirty. Like a boy who just fucked an easy girl. (Yuck times two.) Squared.

Read other chapters

Chap 1
Chap 2

jailing | reporters

ON April 20, Detroit Free Press reporter David Ashenfelter may win his second Pulitzer Prize. The next day, he may head to jail.

Ashenfelter, 60, is the latest reporter to face prison for refusing to reveal his confidential sources — in this case, for a story he wrote in 2004 about alleged misconduct by a prosecutor in a terrorism case in Detroit soon after 9/11.

Jail time became a real possibility when US District Judge Robert Cleland recently refused to delay Ashenfelter’s deposition about his sources or let him take his case to an appeals court.

…Last Tuesday, the House overwhelmingly approved legislation by voice vote that would protect such reporters. Sponsored by Mike Pence (R-Ind.) and Rick Boucher (D-Va.), the “Free Flow of Information Act” would enable reporters in many instances to refuse to identify those who provided news of public importance. The House handily passed an almost identical measure last year, but it was stymied in the Senate, partly because former President George Bush had threatened a veto.

Source

This is some fucked up shit. Douchebaggery if you will. A reporter and his source share a privileged relationship – like a doctor and his patient or a lawyer and his client. Therefore, a reporter should not be obligated to reveal sources under no circumstances unless someones life is in danger. In this case its not.

I would not name my sources and I hope Ashenfelter sticks it out.

What would you do?

james franco | room destroyer

A few things

1) I hurt my neck today because I’ve been turning around to make sure The Man isn’t coming while I’m not working. It was all in vain as he didn’t even say hello to me as we passed in the halls. I’m thinking its me.

2) I love James Franco. He is currently getting his MFA at Columbia U and I really wanted to meet him. And so I devised an elaborate stalking manifesto in which I described in intense detail how I would “accidentally” run into him and we’d chat and naturally he would realize we are meant to be.

3) But then I read in Page Six how he is annoyed with the freshman girls who gawk at him while he is working in the library and I decided my glorious plan would have to be put on hold. If we are meant to be, we will be.

4) I wish someone would let me destroy a room. I always want to destroy mine, especially when I can’t find something. And I used to break shit all the time when I was angry but then I grew older and realized that hey, this is my shit and I have to pay to replace it. So now I don’t destroy anything but my mental health.

5) Good times.

in | love

Things I Need in Life

1) a notebook
2) a working pen
3) coffee
4) cigs (whatever)
5) those puppies.

I can do without everything/everyone else.

Please let it be true and not some delayed April Fools joke that isn’t at all funny.

Thanks The Susanna for the video!

bill corgan | insane

I don’t understand what’s going on here. Are they together? Or is he just shopping around for a new STD? I want to know.

I hate this Tila Tequila girl. Sure, she’s hot in that Hep C way but not the type you bring outside. But then again, I’m not a man and so I probably don’t understand the appeal. Ugh. Billy Corgan – you are dead to me. Not that you were ever alive to me but I thought we shared an understanding that you keep the hoes in the closet and bring the classy lady on the carpet. Whatever. I’m over it. Not really.

omfg | of the day

I’m starting to think that if I title something “of the day” then I should be consistent and do it every day. But consistency has never been my strong point and so I don’t know.

This is an omfg in terms of “omfg I’m glad he is so cute and talented because otherwise he’d just be a lil ginger boy.”

like the man | but not

I heart Seth Rogen.

Like, a lot.

Andy Sandberg is aight.

This is called “Like a Boss” and it’s by The Lonely Island.

I only like it because of Seth Rogen.

3D kanye | dances

I love Kanye. And this is 3-D Kanye. SWAY Studio, the folks who did his cover for Complex, did this. I’m not sure if he knows but I think its pretty cool.

from here.

bad | monkey butt

Daniel is in westfuckingpalmbeach as you all may know and he sent me this picture from their local Walmart. I LOVE Walmart. I don’t give a flying shitfuck about how they’re ruining the world. Because they’re not. I’ve written papers on this and while they may be Draconian at times with their business techniques, they’re efficient and let me save money. Anywho…

They sell this and I love it. Makes me wonder what else they sell. I would surely buy it.

fuck you | art

I actually love art. I love the word, I love the process, I love it all. I just called it that so you would be like, wtf is wrong with that chick? and click in to learn more. Now that I’ve got you here…

Please enjoy some artsy fartsy photos from my love Gene. Gene is a doctor of something but I don’t care about that. (I once asked him to treat me and he asked me what insurance I have.) I care about his pictures, which supply no income but are really cool. And I didn’t even know he did this. You think you know a fake lover and then you realize you really don’t. Enjoy.

^ my favorite. called “the battery of battery park.”

keep on.

silly | british chick

Do you know why that crazy lady is holding? Nail glue. Do you know what she did with it? Yup. She squirted it into her eye by mistake.

I am inclined to laugh at her but I can’t because this is totally something I am capable of doing. I mean, she is blind and she thought she was grabbing eye drops but alas, she was mistaken. I too am blind and often stumble around the apartment looking for eye drops. That’s not really true at all actually.

Paula, from Bournemouth, Dorset, said: “I was still really tired and I couldn’t see very well, so I stumbled into the bathroom and picked the bottle off the shelf.

“As soon as I squeezed it, I knew something was wrong.

“I managed to stop it hitting the centre of the eye, and doctors told me later that it saved me from permanent damage.

“It was agonising. It was burning so much it was my natural instinct to shut my eye.

“But as soon as I did, my eyelashes stuck fast together and I couldn’t open my eye again.”

Miss Griffin, who also runs her own fancy dress business, said: “I would hate people to think I’m just some dumb blonde, because I’m not.

Why are blondes always trying to convince us they’re not dumb? This could have happened to anyone (i.e. me) and I’m a brunette. Don’t be so hard on yourself blindey.

Story here.

zoo | mom

we are all animals. and…

i am offended by this woman’s haircut. and…

that’s a lemur in case you’re wondering.

More animals here.

fuck you | smokers

Jamie emails me this morning.

Let’s quit smoking together tomorrow she says.

I says, I quit every day. Then I send her a detailed email about how that works.

And then I send her another email. I want to encourage her, you know. See below.

Smoking is actually really gross and unattractive. We do it bc were addicted but the truth is that we weren’t born smokers. The reason u feel u need to smoke after a meal or sex is bc ur addicted. People who don’t smoke don’t have those urges and so obviously its not a natural thing. You are programmed to believe you need it. The only reason u think ur stressed out and need a cig is bc ur body needs the nicotine. Non smokers don’t feel this way. It doesn’t help u concentrate either. The only reason u can’t concentrate is bc ur body needs nicotine. It takes 3 days to detox from the withdrawals. If u think like a non smoker, these pains will be minimal. We’ve all been in situations where we can’t smoke. Do we die? No. And so its all mental. The withdrawals are the easy part. Its the brain and fear. Once u realize how great life is without smoking, u won’t need to do it.

I am outside smoking.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

If you or anyone you know wants to quit smoking, I highly recommend Allen Carr’s “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” I know a lot of people who quit smoking after reading it because quitting smoking is easy. I just haven’t done it because I’m a loser with extreme self control issues and mental deficiencies. But don’t do what I do. Instead do what I say. Stop being a loser and quit smoking today. You will feel much better if you do.

wheres | daniel?

Playing with wolf dogs in westfuckingpalmbeach.

Me: I want to go to Fl.
Daniel: Okay. Next time you’ll go.

Two days later.

Daniel: I’m going to Florida again.
Me: What the fuck? I thought you said I can go too.
Daniel: Oh. Yeah. Uhm…

Glad you’re having fun cumstain. But next time you say next time, MEAN IT.

fuck you | print | followup

Maxim is closing its UK print edition after 14 years. They will only operate online.

Wah. If only they had devices that allowed you to read internet stuff on the go. Oh wait…

From here.