Monthly Archives: April 2009

new | layout

i decided i wanted a change and so i changed the layout but i lost the banner in the process. of course.

please refrain from telling me about how shitty you think it looks. i know because i am wearing my glasses today. i personally feel val should make me a new one. she is so good at what she does and it would be an honor to host her work. 770 x 140.

k. bye.



Filed under lint | licker

another | failed romance


I was in Starbucks being a recluse when a boy starting hitting on me. He extended his arm over to mine and so naturally I tried to give him a high five. Then I asked him what his name was but he didn’t respond. Typical, I thought but I wouldn’t let that deter me. But his mom wasn’t having it and so she’s like “he doesn’t know how to talk yet. He’s only 8 months old.”

A boy who doesn’t respond I can handle. But a boy who needs his mom to speak for him? I don’t think so. I got my shit and went because I knew it wasn’t going to work. She didn’t even tell me his name. Cockblocker.


Filed under ass | face, mi | vida

fuck | probation | with my parents


^A: Nothing.

I come to my parent’s house and my dad is on the computer. It is their new favorite thing to do ever since they learned how. So my dad is like, we’re very busy. And I’m like, doing what? And he’s like, we’re on the computer. And I thought this was very cute. Anywho…

Both parentals know about the blog and I often tell them about the things I write about them. So I tell my mom that I wrote about our boyfriend conversation. Then I asked if she wanted to read it. And she’s like, yeah! Send it along. So then I was forced to give her a disclaimer. I said, ma. I curse. A lot. A lot. I say fuck all the time. And other very bad words. Naturally she wasn’t happy and so she’s like, that’s not nice. It’s not very proper and you sound uneducated. And I says, I know mom. I took a vacation and I cleansed the fuck out. And she’s like, You just tell them your mom said you can’t say it. And I says, of course I will.

My mom said I shouldn’t curse and so I won’t.

This means that sentences like “That bitch is a fucking cunt rag whore who _________________” will not be written anymore. (Mom: Cunt means szlaya piska toshta emeit zube) Not that I ever wrote that type of sentence but sometimes it takes dramatics to get a point across.

And my dad agrees with my mom.

Dad: I read your blog. All you do is fuck fuck everywhere.
Me: Tell me about it. That’s why I put myself on fuck probation.
Mom: She said she wasn’t going to do it anymore.
Dad: Fuck is not literature.
Mom: Leave her alone. She knows. She said she wasn’t going to do it anymore.
Dad: I’m just letting her know because I kind of fell out of love with her reading it.
Me: Papa doesn’t love me and mama is defending me. I don’t get it. I said I won’t say it anymore.
Dad: You can say it. Just don’t write it. I mean, what will you do if someone cuts you off?

I will sign language a fuck you to them. Duh.


Filed under mi | vida

google | chat


Jamie and I are currently having a conversation about green dots and the effects it may or may not have on your sanity. Jamie didn’t notice the green dots before but now she does. She wonders if they are spies.

But what I find most interesting is that Google thinks that it is exciting to block people. Bullies.

the convo:

me: you take too long. im sorry
Jamie!: it was like 4 min
me: sorry.
Jamie!: its ok
me: do you know what those icons are.
near the sns?
Jamie!: nope
what are they
me: like green dots.
Jamie!: i dont think i even know what you are talking about
me: you know where it says chat?
Jamie!: yes
do they mean you are online
im an IM idiot
me: is there a green dot by my sn
Jamie!: yeah, when i roll oever it
me: weird.
Jamie!: why
raquel has one tooo
but no one else im my chat group
do i have one
me: yes
i dont have raquels email here
im making a post about you
it will be divine
Jamie!: oooohhhhh
tell me more
me: im posting it now
its funny to me
Jamie!: and now i am all concerned about the green dots
i like funny to you
me: hahah
the green DOTS
now its like one of those icons
Jamie!: do you think they are spy cameras
i am all parnoid now
thanks a lot D
me: im sorry
yours has a little thing now
its not a green dot
Jamie!: oh noooooo
if its rainbow colored i will freak
me: no no
oh dear
hold on
Jamie!: ha ha ok
me: one of those dialogue cloud bubbles
Jamie!: oh yeah you have that tooo
and a green dot when i roll over your name
me: sometimes its a camera
Jamie!: i want to know
me: looks like a camera
Jamie!: OMG
its true google is REALLY watching us
not just media tracking us
oh man
me: wait. wait.
Jamie!: k
me: can i publish this convo?
Jamie!: sure
me: hold on
the cloud is there now.


Filed under ass | face

hating | people


I’ve been trying somewhat hard not to hate people but thus far, my efforts have been futile.

Take the above girl for instance.

We sit next to each other. She is a nice girl. Very friendly. Smart I’m sure. But when she talks to me, I just want to hit her with a Wilton HVS1430 Sledge Hammer.

Like today. There was a meeting I luckily didn’t have to go to and after it was done, the entire department came to the conference room for the food. (Listening for food is good but not listening for food is better.) So she’s like, we should eat at work everyday and sometimes i don’t have time and when you order in, they use containers that aren’t environmentally friendly.

So I’m like, what are you talking about crazy? I actually said that in my head. In real life I said “I don’t like the environment” and walked away.

Maybe, just maybe, a hint was had.

happy friday!
meet you in hell!


Filed under mi | vida

twitter | love


I suppose I am the lady with the black Jheri curl?

I decided to join Twitter but I find that I really have nothing of interest to say and so I don’t really update it. But if I did Twitter, I would probably do it from my Blackberry, even if I was at a computer. You know, because I have Twitterberry and on the computer you have to go to the website, sign on and blah blah. Who has time for that? I also enjoy coffee. I’m drinking it right now for lunch.

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Filed under just | sayin

extra | miles


There are two phrases I will never understand. 1) Be creative and 2) Go the extra mile. The Man says this to me a lot.

Be creative? What does this mean? Do you want me to decorate the excel spreadsheet with flowers before I send it? Do you want me to draw smiley faces everywhere or use a different font? Because really, I just don’t understand what that means. I try to be creative in my ad copy. But he rewrites all of that anyway and so I’m stumped. I think I will start using Webdings font on my emails. That’s pretty creative.

But second to the creative thing is the extra mile thing. Because honestly, I didn’t really want to go the first mile and an extra mile doesn’t sound too appealing. My ankles hurt, I can’t breathe and I would rather be doing anything but this extra mile. I didn’t even want to participate in this race and what nerve you have asking for more.


Filed under mi | vida