conversations | with daniel | re: stalker

dragon-guinea-pig

There is no quality control on this bitch anymore because I pretty much post anything.

But I like talking to Daniel. And then I like posting our conversations.

Me: Daniel. be honest. you promise?
Daniel: about? being honest
Me: do you think i have a stalker?!
Daniel: do you want one
Me: no. i think there is a reasonable explanation. but it would be nice wouldn’t it
Daniel: no. no. are you insane? do you not watch movies or read the news?
Me: right. i mean, that’s creepy then
Daniel: have you ever heard of a story that ended well with a stalker involved?
Me: hmm. no.
Daniel: ok. so why would you want one
Me: should i be scared then?!
Daniel: no
Me: i want to know who left the damn cookies
Daniel: you shouldn’t eat the food
Me: i wont. Duh. im not that dumb
Daniel: plus it knows you are jewish. it got you a jewish gift bag
Me: yeah i noticed that. its purim today
Daniel: yes
Me: maybe it was the jew boys who visit me on fridays
Daniel: ask him and what jewish boy?
Me:: he comes on shabbas and when im home, i let him talk to me. he wants to save me.
Daniel: wow. ok thats not weird
Me: they always walk around the buildings giving out literature
Daniel: so you think a jewish boy walked on purim to your building and waited for someone to let him in and then left it and walked home?
Me: no. maybe he left it for others too. i dont kow. it was just a suggestion. sheesh!
Daniel: its purim. he cant ring the bell. he cant buy things
Me: oh. maybe he bought it last week. and maybe he waited for someone to open the door.
Daniel: right
Me: isn’t that better than a stalker
Daniel: very likely. yes
Me: i was just throwing ideas out. stop yelling at me with your sarcasm
Daniel: im not yelling. Maybe. a little yelling
Me: this is like the time you mocked me and my monkey disease
Daniel: but im actually worried now. i thought you wrote that as a gag like your mom or dad gave you that. like grandmas buy those
Me: i dont just make things up
Daniel: well i thought you did cause not everyone has a stalker
Me: now im worried. should i hire security
Daniel: no. it hasn’t exposed itself to you yet. it will first try to meet you and when you are repulsed it will turn to evil
Me: really?
Daniel: well probably
Me: well good then
Daniel: you can’t get a restraining order against a person you don’t even know.

Then he sent me a picture of the above dragon guinea. I want one.

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5 Comments

Filed under lint | licker, stalkers | delight

5 responses to “conversations | with daniel | re: stalker

  1. val

    its sweet that daniel assumes the stalker will get repulsed.

    and for the sake of your happiness, for the next week or so, I would avoid any possible contact with the possible stalker. this way you can have somthing to think about and u know maybe even smile once in a while.

  2. Char-to-the-Lene

    I’m sure the Friday marauders, as I like to call them, miss seeing me on Fridays and informing me that the pamphlet is for the “Jewish person” in the home. I mean WTF? Can’t I pass for Jew??? ok maybe not…

  3. Sarah/The Roommate

    I was just about to post pretty much the same thing Charlene posted. He came the day I met your mom (aka your bday party day) and your mom answered the door and was so not impressed. Charlene and I were just standing there like…yeah we have nothing you want in here.

  4. Jamie

    Whats Purim? teach me oh jewish ones!!

  5. its when you dress up and beg for candy jewish style.

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