barbie’s bday | at tenjune


“She is an American icon, a business phenomenon and a real doll. Since her introduction on March 9, 1959, Mattel has sold more than 1 billion Barbie dolls, nearly 100 million of those last year alone. She is the ultimate career woman (108 different jobs); a strong, single woman (she dumped Ken in 2004); and a three-time presidential candidate. Along the way she has fired the ambitions of countless little girls.”

I really love it when they praise Barbie for doing so many wonderful things. Like, 108 jobs? How awesome and pro woman of Mattel.

Except no. NO. That is not how it happens. The intention wasn’t to make Barbie a feminist icon. I mean, she looks like a whore and we all know she’s not smart enough to be a doctor, lawyer or president. She just wanted those jobs so she can buy matching clothes and look cute. I know its true. We lunch.

Also, I wonder if there is a correlation between her increasing tan and skin cancer. There must be. She says she doesn’t fake bake but I don’t believe her.

Either way, Happy Birthday, Barbie. Drink, have fun, and be merry. But keep your legs closed because I’m sure someone will get a picture of it and then post it on Facebook and you know the rest.



Filed under ass | face

3 responses to “barbie’s bday | at tenjune

  1. It does seem a little cynical now for those who paint her as some kind of feminist. She was NEVER intended that way

  2. this is likely how the meetings went at mattel – “i think we should make her an astronaut. because then we can sell the helmet and suit separately. and the barbie dream space shuttle, too. oh, and those feminist bitches will get off our case. win win.”

  3. Sarah/The Roommate

    I heard that because of her proportions, if she was a real person she would be so top heavy she wouldn’t be able to stand up straight. Or at all.

    Sorry Im being such a comment whore right now btw. I was busy today researching movies that had corndogs in them (I am not fucking kidding) and so Im playing catch up now 🙂

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