that chick | i stalk | chap 2

stalking

Today (last Monday), that chick I stalk was sitting in the center of Starbucks. She was wearing brown boots and a blue top. I didn’t really think it matched. She was also wearing a funky ring on her wedding ring finger and I briefly wondered if she was engaged to Elmo.

I don’t know why but I kept turning in her direction. Actually, I do know why. It’s because I’m stalking her. But then for some reason I stopped looking at her (some reason=taking notes) and when I turned back around, she was gone. I wondered how this could have possibly happened as I was writing at a ferocious speed. How did she manage to pack everything up so quickly? Was this chick magical, too? Did she house unicorns in her closet? Then I spotted her by the window and jotted that down. I now know to sit there so that we have greater chance of meeting.

Then that chick got a phone call. She looked angry and this made me angry. You’re fucking engaged to Elmo, you sit in Starbucks all day drinking coffee and writing. It is illegal for you to ever be in a bad mood. This ruffled my feathers for the duration of her call but then I simmered down. I was scaring the couple next to me with my excessive foot tapping and knuckle cracking.

All in all, it was a successful session. I learned that comfy couch seats are so 3 weeks ago and that it is suspicious to others when you sit in said comfy couch seat with a rope and heavy duty duct tape in your lap. However, I consider this all to be progress and I look forward to reporting on our next date.

Read that chick | i stalk – chapter 1.

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7 Comments

Filed under ass | face, stalkers | delight

7 responses to “that chick | i stalk | chap 2

  1. you make a lot of observations when you stalk girls… I get to learn something from you…

  2. Granted, I am an old person but wouldn’t the better play just be to go up and say “hi”? You would save a ton of money on Starbucks products plus you might actually get to talk to the person.

    Granted, stalking allows you to create an imaginary friend but why bother? Just buy another blow up doll if that is the route you are going.

    C’mon, take the plunge. Talk a little.

  3. Gaurav – thanks for stopping by! and let it be known that i make a lot of observations when I stalk anyone – guys or girls. Please let me know if you have any questions and I’ll be happy to assist you with your stalking.

    Tannerleah – I know what you say is true but I am very scared. What would I say? “Hey, I’ve been watching you write and I kinda want to write too and uhm, I have a blog and I write about you. Introduce me to your editor???” Either way, she doesn’t look like she wants to be bothered. I will carry on in this way for now… 😦

    Also, want me to post a pic of me with blowup doll? I’ll do it just for you.

  4. Just try, “Hi, you want to do it?” (I have been out of circulation for 25 years so maybe that line is not quite as effective as it once was).

    As to the pic, no. I respect your relationship with your doll. No need to sensationalize it. Well, unless the doll is ok with it.

  5. The “Hi, you want to do it?” only works in bars at 4AM with ugly people.

    I will post tonight for you! I feel like we’ve started a friendship and that will take it to the next level.

  6. dick

    hi, you want to do it?

  7. Pingback: that chick | i stalk | chap 3 « hi | get comfy | stay awhile | meet…

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