damn yo | this shit sucks

fmylife

I was overjoyed to learn that alternate side parking was suspended today and that I wouldn’t have to get up early to re-park the car. A couple of reasons for overjoyedness.

1) I don’t have a shovel to get that fucker out.
2) But even if I did, I don’t know where the keys are.

I’m thinking that perhaps I should kill myself before my mother does. She called yesterday. Asked about her baby (the car). I lied. Said it was safely tucked away in her parking spot. Why would I make her worry on her vacation, you know?

But I’m not going to worry about this for now because there is a little girl with leukemia out there who got married before I did. And that is a far more important issue to stress out about.

In other news, Val doesn’t work at work either and so she
urbanddictionaried her name and mine, too. I will leave you with the one she thought was most fitting for me.

Diana: Completely strung out on caffiene so that words are unintelligible and rodent-like, muscle spasms are frequent, and random fascinations dominate speech and action, e.g. shiny objects, scarves, capes, and magic tricks.

It must be true because J-Me thought I was on coke the first time she met me…and I wasn’t! I was like like, dude, that’s such a low opinion of me. I’d never do blow at 4PM on a Sunday. Give a chick some credit.

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9 Comments

Filed under lint | licker

9 responses to “damn yo | this shit sucks

  1. scott1421

    Great post!I really enjoy reading your blogs. Maybe you can check out some of mine as well.
    I’ll be having a new blog up soon that is going to be awesome! Don’t forget to check it out.

  2. Jamie

    Your right, i am sorry. I should have never thought you would do such a thing before 10 pm on a saturday. I will buy you an oyster on Thursday to tell you i am sorry!

  3. Jamie

    here is the one that i think best describes me, thanks Val for the link:

    Jamie

    A girl who is intelligent, yet silly. A girl who is cold on the outside, yet warm and cuddly on the inside. A girl who tell her friends everything, yet she has many secrets hidden. A girl who is a great friend, yet a worthy advesary if you are not a friend of hers. A girl who is extremely sweet and innocent, yet she kicks someone’s ass when necessary.

    “Jamie is awesome.”

  4. val

    uhmmm J… the point is that you read them not write your own with a wish list of fabulous adjectives about yourself.

  5. val

    lol

    Today, I went to get my underarms waxed. I’m usually not self-conscious because I figure they see worse stuff all the time. When I raised my arm for her to wax my armpit she looked at me, laughed and said “Well I guess that’s how I know it’s winter in Wisconsin!” FML

    i love it.

  6. RAKIKI NAY NAY

    sorry to interject but umm…urban dictionary is hilarious….

    Raquel 9 up, 25 down
    Someone who “whore’s” around

    or

    One who hates on others because of various reasons.

    Yo son Boqueefa be raqueling on Madison and 6th on Friday nights.
    meanie doofus whore slut skank
    by Bonaaanaaay Nov 7, 2006 share this

    hahaha….whatup booquuueeffaaa…they dont know about raquesha

  7. Sarah/The Roommate

    YAY Fuck My Life graphics!

  8. sorry i also have to interject…thatchickfrombk i know you would approve of this one: Charlene
    replaces the traditional slang word for cocaine charly, charley and more commonly ching. The feminine term gives it a more affectionate edge when referring to cocaine and can also be used discreetly during telephone conversations; “Is charlene going to the party tonight?” Is one way of communicating whether the person you are talking to will have cocaine.
    “Got any charlene?, is charlene going to the party?” HAHAHAHA

  9. hahaha silly Charlene. you will ALWAYS be there. even when you’re not, someone will be thinking of you. and at least your name isn’t Tina. 🙂

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