the birds | the bees

kangive had the privelage of hanging out with guys lately. in reality, its not a privelage. knowing how they behave and then seeing it is completely different.its like watching people have sex with animals on the special channel and then actually walking in on your friend getting a blowjob from his dog. i feel somewhat scarred.

scenerio: a guy and a girl break up.

how a guy handles a breakup. he goes to his friends house.

guy: my girl and i broke up.
other guy: how did it go?
guy: a lot of crying. you know.
other guy: yeah. the giants are winning.

how girls handle a breakup: they call all of their friends to come over. bring wine.

girl: so he came over, right. we were supposed to hang out but then he thought he had to work but then he didnt so he came over, right. and i could tell on his face that something was wrong, you know. and he comes in and he doesnt take off his shoes and he always takes off his shoes so i knew something was off. was he going somewhere else? so im like “whats wrong?” and he just looks at me, you know that look, that something is wrong look and i just know. so i go get a cigarette and he just sits down and like, i knew we were fighting a lot but what the fuck and….

3 hours later.

girl: and then he said its over. apparently i cause him to have massive panic attacks when Im in the room and the sound of me breathing upsets him.

2 hours later.

girl: and then he left. okay. so what do you think?


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