Today, some creep decided to stab himself in the stomach with needles after I sat next to him. Don’t get me wrong – I know I make some men want to stab themselves when I’m around but seriously, why do you have to do it while you’re looking at my fancy new ipod? It was pure and shiny and now you rusted the mental with your toxic glare. Usually I’m fairly careless but this time I got up. I hear diabetes and AIDS is highly contagious.
But moving didn’t make my ride home any better. You know why? Because men are barbarians. And they ruin my rides every. single. day. Here’s my rant.
Just because you have a penis between your legs doesnt give you the right to sit like you own the train. We paid the same price and yet you think you have the right to take up a seat and a half for your comfort? You think you are entitled to this space because your junk will hurt if you sit otherwise? Well guess what. I feel like I’m entitled to anything I want, particularly that seat you’re blocking. Do you know why, sir? Because I rather be uncomfortable sitting than watching you relax like some sort of F Train Kingpin. Yes, I am fortunately that spiteful. And you know what else? I’m a fucking lady. I did not personally request equal rights, okay? I requested to sit first and without your man thigh squishing me. There is a time and place for this type of behavior and its not here and not with you.
In addition, I’ve seen men completely ignore pregnant women. G-d forbid I marry poor and have to take the train to work when I get pregnant and decide to keep it. I can just see the headlines now – “Crazy Pregnant Woman Randomly Stabs Men on Train.” Oh, the horror.