happy honika

local | commercials

I’m pretty sure I want a mobile home now.

via

<3 | sarah silverman

awww | kittens

the first | kiss re: lip-o-suction

What I do to get boys to kiss me? I touch their junk. That’s pretty much it.

roman polanski | chris hansen-ed

The Murray | Hill Song

I didn’t know where Murray Hill was until someone told me not to long ago and I’ll be honest – I hate it. Frat boy douchebags in suits or their college sweatshirts. Wearing boat shoes without socks and khaki pants paired with what else…a collared shirt. Tucked in. Slutty girls from sororities all looking the same. Sickening.

It makes sense Raquel decided to live there. Actually no. It doesn’t make sense. I have no idea why she picked this neighborhood but she did. But its about 10 blocks from my job and I’m sure one of these days I will definitely use her for her prime location.

Thanks for showing me your neighborhood anthem Rakiki.

new | eminem

I can’t stand this shit. I know he makes these first singles for the masses but I’m over making fun of celebs and all that. We get it. I’m hoping the rest of the CD will be better because if its not, its going to be a major disappointment.

james franco | room destroyer

A few things

1) I hurt my neck today because I’ve been turning around to make sure The Man isn’t coming while I’m not working. It was all in vain as he didn’t even say hello to me as we passed in the halls. I’m thinking its me.

2) I love James Franco. He is currently getting his MFA at Columbia U and I really wanted to meet him. And so I devised an elaborate stalking manifesto in which I described in intense detail how I would “accidentally” run into him and we’d chat and naturally he would realize we are meant to be.

3) But then I read in Page Six how he is annoyed with the freshman girls who gawk at him while he is working in the library and I decided my glorious plan would have to be put on hold. If we are meant to be, we will be.

4) I wish someone would let me destroy a room. I always want to destroy mine, especially when I can’t find something. And I used to break shit all the time when I was angry but then I grew older and realized that hey, this is my shit and I have to pay to replace it. So now I don’t destroy anything but my mental health.

5) Good times.

omfg | of the day

I’m starting to think that if I title something “of the day” then I should be consistent and do it every day. But consistency has never been my strong point and so I don’t know.

This is an omfg in terms of “omfg I’m glad he is so cute and talented because otherwise he’d just be a lil ginger boy.”

like the man | but not

I heart Seth Rogen.

Like, a lot.

Andy Sandberg is aight.

This is called “Like a Boss” and it’s by The Lonely Island.

I only like it because of Seth Rogen.

3D kanye | dances

I love Kanye. And this is 3-D Kanye. SWAY Studio, the folks who did his cover for Complex, did this. I’m not sure if he knows but I think its pretty cool.

from here.

fuck you | smokers

Jamie emails me this morning.

Let’s quit smoking together tomorrow she says.

I says, I quit every day. Then I send her a detailed email about how that works.

And then I send her another email. I want to encourage her, you know. See below.

Smoking is actually really gross and unattractive. We do it bc were addicted but the truth is that we weren’t born smokers. The reason u feel u need to smoke after a meal or sex is bc ur addicted. People who don’t smoke don’t have those urges and so obviously its not a natural thing. You are programmed to believe you need it. The only reason u think ur stressed out and need a cig is bc ur body needs the nicotine. Non smokers don’t feel this way. It doesn’t help u concentrate either. The only reason u can’t concentrate is bc ur body needs nicotine. It takes 3 days to detox from the withdrawals. If u think like a non smoker, these pains will be minimal. We’ve all been in situations where we can’t smoke. Do we die? No. And so its all mental. The withdrawals are the easy part. Its the brain and fear. Once u realize how great life is without smoking, u won’t need to do it.

I am outside smoking.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

If you or anyone you know wants to quit smoking, I highly recommend Allen Carr’s “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” I know a lot of people who quit smoking after reading it because quitting smoking is easy. I just haven’t done it because I’m a loser with extreme self control issues and mental deficiencies. But don’t do what I do. Instead do what I say. Stop being a loser and quit smoking today. You will feel much better if you do.

fuck you | print

I’ve worked in online media for about my entire working career. When I was a writer, I wrote online and now that I’m in advertising, its also online. Which brings me to point out that I don’t understand why print still exists. Because I see things online and then the next day I see it in The Post and it’s like, okay guys. Your news isn’t news anymore. WTF.

It’s even worse when the clients are old. They come from the days when an ad in the Sunday paper would garner some sort of results. They don’t understand that print/tv is no longer cost efficient for direct response and tracking results is impossible. And so why spend money placing ads in the news paper and not know how many people read it when you can place an ad on NYTIMES.com and know exactly how many people read it. When, how long, etc, etc. But old people – they don’t get it. Because they’re old and set in their ways and grew up without computers. They can’t be blamed. But they shouldn’t be working either because they’re essentially fucking up their media efforts with inefficient advertising.

I can go on and on. But I won’t.

Happy Thursday.

hitler | baby

This is the child of my idol, Jessica O.

Ava is in her terrible twos and apparently yells all the time. Usually Jessica is an attentive mother but this time she decided to ignore her child and just let the tantrum simma down on its own. When the noise stopped and Jessica went to look for her Ava, this is what she found. And instead of getting mad at her daughter or flustered or any of those things, she just took a video of it, called it leprehaun hitler and put it online.

I fucking love it.

It reminds me of the time I put a temporary tat on my nephews bum and went around showing everyone. My sister-in-law was all mad and shit but I was like, what? It’s cute. I was 12 then but I would do the same thing today. Know why? Because thats what kids are for. And I love that Jessica knows this.

She also has two blogs, four kids, a cat and a husband. I don’t know whether or not she is happy or day dreams about driving her car off a bridge but I think her blogs are cool and so therefore, so should you.

Read Mommy, Daddy, Four Girls and a Mean Cat. or
read jessica o’s rant.

april | fools

The very last one is highlarious. No really. HIGHLARIOUS.

I’ve been fooled twice today because obviously I’m a fool. My friend updated her FB status with “I got my wish and am traveling the world on Monday!” And I was like, really? And she was like, no, not really. APRIL FOOLS! and I was like, oh. Right. Okay. Is this shit going to last all day?? I assure you I don’t have the energy or will to fool anyone with anything and so whatever you read here today will be true. I think.

oh | jesus

Sometimes when people talk to me and I don’t care about what they’re saying, I too wish I could just pass out. But I never do. I just zone out instead and say key phrases like “omg, really?” or “that’s so interesting” or “OMG! ME too!” And it usually works but when it doesn’t, I just say “huh?” and then they move on.

And really, I do try not to laugh at other peoples misfortune but usually my efforts are blah. I think its because I might be Satan.

legless | rapper

Why is this legless fella able to make a video and we have yet to make one even though we have 6 legs between us?

And maybe this is for someone. Or maybe I speak in third person and think I’m a spider. You will never know until you do and so don’t even bother asking what I’m talking about.

monkey | love

I really love animals a lot. You can’t tell by the way I treat Moses Jesus but that is only because he is a fake animal. I can never tell what he wants or how he feels and so its hard for me to show him any love or effort. It’s a complicated relationship we have. Even more complicated is that I still have him. I guess maybe I’ll change his water tomorrow and if I’m in a good enough mood, I’ll feed him too.

on | drugs?

Those girls obviously don’t know who he is or they might have at least smiled. Which brings me to point out that I sometimes break out in song and dance but the end result is usually the same. No one cares.