A male banker looking at boobs? What a shocker.
A male banker looking at boobs? What a shocker.
This is what dumb looks like.
It’s been a while since we’ve seen any of Zohra’s people. No, I don’t mean midgets, I mean Punjabi people.
What I do to get boys to kiss me? I touch their junk. That’s pretty much it.
This is the child of my idol, Jessica O.
Ava is in her terrible twos and apparently yells all the time. Usually Jessica is an attentive mother but this time she decided to ignore her child and just let the tantrum simma down on its own. When the noise stopped and Jessica went to look for her Ava, this is what she found. And instead of getting mad at her daughter or flustered or any of those things, she just took a video of it, called it leprehaun hitler and put it online.
I fucking love it.
It reminds me of the time I put a temporary tat on my nephews bum and went around showing everyone. My sister-in-law was all mad and shit but I was like, what? It’s cute. I was 12 then but I would do the same thing today. Know why? Because thats what kids are for. And I love that Jessica knows this.
She also has two blogs, four kids, a cat and a husband. I don’t know whether or not she is happy or day dreams about driving her car off a bridge but I think her blogs are cool and so therefore, so should you.
Sometimes when people talk to me and I don’t care about what they’re saying, I too wish I could just pass out. But I never do. I just zone out instead and say key phrases like “omg, really?” or “that’s so interesting” or “OMG! ME too!” And it usually works but when it doesn’t, I just say “huh?” and then they move on.
And really, I do try not to laugh at other peoples misfortune but usually my efforts are blah. I think its because I might be Satan.
Why is this legless fella able to make a video and we have yet to make one even though we have 6 legs between us?
And maybe this is for someone. Or maybe I speak in third person and think I’m a spider. You will never know until you do and so don’t even bother asking what I’m talking about.
maybe i’m weather giddy or maybe this is actually funny. am not sure and do not care because whatever works is what works.
sometimes i wish i had a penis so i could know what it feels like to not solve problems.
I am a smiley face abuser. I love them!!!
Don’t let anyone lie to your ugly ass – being beautiful is important in this world. There are studies that prove this and while it may be unfortunate, it is only so for those who aren’t. However, despite this superficial opinion and fact, I completely disagree with beauty pageants. Particularly beauty pageants for little girls.
These girls are essentially forced into doing this. They have no say due to being four years old and so it is basically an outlet for the mother to live out the dream she was always way too fat for. These young girls are spray tanned, plucked, prepped and put on a stage to perform just so the mothers can brag to their friends. How do I know? Because 4 year olds aren’t old enough to do this.
Some may argue that there are talents involved in these pageants. This is a lie. Whatever half-assed talent these girls have is all to impress a judge and how much time can you possibly put into learning something well when you’re busy tanning. And how unfortunate is that? Instead of learning how to play a sport or instrument, they are busy learning how to walk down a runway. Instead of reading a book or going to a museum, they are getting their hair puffed and getting fake teeth inserted. It all just makes you want to say what the fuck is going on here. This shouldn’t be happening.
Being beautiful, hot, gorgeous, desirable, etc is all very important. It’s what makes us feel good inside. But when you have nothing in your brain because that’s all you’ve been trained to care about – well, that’s kinda sad. And talking to dumb girls is the worst. I feel bad for boys because they have to deal with that shit. But thats another post…
That’s all I have to say.
Oh my fucking gawd I am so bored.
I found this on Holy Taco. I don’t know what the fuck this guy is talking about but the video below is the best thing I’ve seen in a while. It’s about abortion and how only Nazis do it and if you will treat a “baby” like meat, then you might as well eat it. Well douchebag, I don’t eat meat, okay? Then he has other videos about how cursing is bad (even though he says whore a lot) and you should watch them all because its funny. Maybe funny isn’t the right word…
This is another example of why cops are pigs.
Just because its a law doesn’t mean you have to enforce it. Sure, you think its your job but I assure you that there are many ways to get out of doing it. I can make you a list if you’d like. And I don’t understand how you, piggy cops, think you’re doing something good with your life when all you’re doing is staking out a charitable event.
And who the fuck makes a law that bans feeding homeless people? Apparently Orlando, the worst place on Earth. Perhaps they should spend more time looking into why they have so many hobos and not making stupid laws.
This Smoking Jacket has a built-in pair of lungs on the front. As the wearer smokes, the lungs fill up with the exhaled cigarette smoke and begin to gradually darken over time.
This project was a result of exploring visceral, reflective design as it relates to the body, behavioral choices, and information displays.
This is by some chick named Fiona Carswell. Her art is about self-awareness or something like this. I think the jacket is really cool but then she went and ruined it with some iphone stickies she designed. They are stickers of ideal text messages that can go on your phone. So if you don’t like whats really there, you can just stick on the fake one – the one that says what you want to hear. Yeah, like thats real healthy.
Check her stuff out here.
I think its cool.
It’s Friday. I took a mental health day from work.
So I’m trying to take a nap. The doorbell rings. I look up. Or maybe I look to the side. This is what I do when I think. I wonder whether or not I want to get up to answer the door. I decide to answer the door because it’s Friday and it might be the Jewish boys. I will ask if they left me the cookies. I open the door and it’s my mom. She has brought my laundry. This is our conversation.
Me: What are you doing here?
Mom: Why are you home?
Me: Mental health day. Want to hear about my problems?
Mom: I brought your laundry.
Me: You just come without calling? How did you know anyone was here?
Mom: Last time Sarah was here. Charlene used to open the door for me.
Me: But how did you know anyone was here today?
Then I notice she has keys.
Me: What the hell is that?! You have keys?
Mom: Yes. How do you think I bring you your laundry when you’re not home?
Me: I don’t know.
Mom: I made a copy last time. I told you.
Me: You did no such thing. You made me have a fight with Val about lost keys. What the hell.
Mom: No. You just don’t remember anything. You’re just like your father. Useless.
Then she did what moms do, I guess. She examined me and the entire apartment.
Mom: I thought you quit smoking Monday.
Me: I was just kidding.
Mom: Do you at least change his water?
Me: Does it look like I do?
Mom: I don’t know. Oh. Te takaya…ugh.
Mom: Why don’t you eat the oranges I gave you? I don’t eat them so you can have them.
Me: Does it look like I eat?
Mom: I gave them to you two weeks ago.
Me: Okay. I’ll eat them.
Then she looked inside the fridge and I was very scared because I didn’t eat anything she gave me. All she did was grunt.
Mom: What’s this? Are these the sheets you were looking for?
Me: No. I think those are Charlene’s.
Mom: Charlene moved out 3 months ago.
Mom: Do you put away the laundry or do you just put it on your chair? And where are your socks?
Me: I don’t have enough room.
Mom: Maybe we should get you another dresser.
Me: To be honest, I’d like a whole new room. And I want to paint the walls.
Mom: But it’s dark.
Me: Turn the light on and it will be less dark and you’ll see that the walls are white.
Mom: You’re a pig. I don’t like coming here. You’re a girl. You should be ashamed.
Me: I am ashamed. But the cleaning lady hasn’t been here. She doesn’t call me back.
Mom: This has nothing to do with her.
Me: I don’t know what you’re talking about because this is clean.
Mom: You make me sick. I’m leaving. I don’t like it here.
And then she left. Ran out actually. I kid you not. She didn’t even give me a hug/kiss goodbye. I would change the locks if it wasn’t for the fact that she does shit for me and needs access. And now I wait for the Jewish boys.
I was at the Chinese/Mexican take out place when Val called me. She wanted to know how I was doing. And I think I might have started crying while ordering my taco and I just kept repeating, “I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t fucking know. Oh my G-D, I’m dying.” Then she was like, okay. cool. I have to go have dinner with my parents. Just wanted to make sure you’re okay.
The moral of this story is that you should trust your instincts, let go of regret and bet on yourself.
And this will only make sense to a handful of folks. Probably shoulda just emailed it.
Happy Hump Day.