free to | blog again!

Hello dear friends!

Sorry I haven’t been writing as much. It was a really busy summer and I just couldn’t pry myself away from the many engagements that required my attention. Please see below for list of engagements.

1) Quitting Smoking

Not smoking took up a lot of my time. Not only could I barely think of anything else besides the fact that I wasn’t smoking but I could barely talk about anything else. Ex: “If this were yesterday, I would be smoking right now.” “You know what I want? Yup. A cigarette.” “I love smoking and this quitting nonsense is just not fair.” It came to a point where I wanted to kick my own ass. Luckily for me, when I tried to become a smoker again with ‘just one cigarette’, I threw up all day and never second guessed my decision to quit again. Now that I am nicotine free physically and mentally, I am free to blog again.

2) Getting Fat

I’m sure there a lot worse things in life than fat face but when I have one, I can’t seem to think of any. A former skinny bitch, I used to pride myself on being able to use my sharp, protruding hip bone as a weapon. But now, the only bones I am dealing with are connected to fried chicken. Just kidding. I don’t eat that anymore because I’m on a diet. A “I ain’t eating nothing till I loose this weight” diet. So now that I am no longer eating all day like it’s going out of style, I am free to blog again.

3) I Met a Boy…Named Vinny

Sure, consistent sex kept me busy but it was more so the preparation for consistent sex. Shaving everyday plus doing my hair plus picking out the perfect outfit (+ accessories) for dinner took up a lot of time. And when I wasn’t doing those things I was thinking about doing those things. But now that we’re officially boyfriend and girlfriend and I know he’s not going anywhere if I accidentally forget to shave my knees, I am free to blog again.

In conclusion, I am free to blog again. And I will. So stay tuned for stories about funerals, tow truck drivers and my new love for brand new babies. It’ll be fun ya’ll so get comfy and stay awhile.

fuck you | angels in waiting

I’m thinking maybe I should stop saying fuck you so much? It’s not lady-like I hear. But whatever. I’ll deal with this another time because today I am annoyed.

What’s up with the world hating on Octomom Nadya Suleman?! Apparently someone reported that Angels in Waiting was going to be helping her out with the babies. Apparently this wasn’t true and Angels in Waiting went buckshit crazy.

“AIW Home Care is NOT and HAS NOT been connected in any way to Nadya Suleman, the Octuplets’ Mother in California who gave birth to 8 additional children.

Angels in Waiting Home Care is NOT donating or supporting Nadya Suleman in any form.

Angels in Waiting Home Care has NEVER been associated with Ms. Suleman in any form.

Any company or persons using ANGELS IN WAITING Home Care is in violation of TRADEMARK LAWS and AIW Home Care will pursue legal actions against anyone violating them.”

You’re not helping the mom, douchebags. You’re also NOT helping her children. Just because you don’t agree with her decision doesn’t mean you shouldn’t help the innocent children. Why is this idea so far fetched?! Why is everyone such a sheep. Can someone out there have a heart and stop focusing on her crazy and maybe focus on those 8 lil babies who need clothes, diapers, food, etc? Shit. If I had the money, I’d give it to you.

In conclusion, angels in waiting are not angels at all. They are demons.