It makes sense that Anna Wintour and Liza Minelli still have land lines. They’re old and perhaps need the phone line for their dial up.
A few things
1) I hurt my neck today because I’ve been turning around to make sure The Man isn’t coming while I’m not working. It was all in vain as he didn’t even say hello to me as we passed in the halls. I’m thinking its me.
2) I love James Franco. He is currently getting his MFA at Columbia U and I really wanted to meet him. And so I devised an elaborate stalking manifesto in which I described in intense detail how I would “accidentally” run into him and we’d chat and naturally he would realize we are meant to be.
3) But then I read in Page Six how he is annoyed with the freshman girls who gawk at him while he is working in the library and I decided my glorious plan would have to be put on hold. If we are meant to be, we will be.
4) I wish someone would let me destroy a room. I always want to destroy mine, especially when I can’t find something. And I used to break shit all the time when I was angry but then I grew older and realized that hey, this is my shit and I have to pay to replace it. So now I don’t destroy anything but my mental health.
5) Good times.
I don’t understand what’s going on here. Are they together? Or is he just shopping around for a new STD? I want to know.
I hate this Tila Tequila girl. Sure, she’s hot in that Hep C way but not the type you bring outside. But then again, I’m not a man and so I probably don’t understand the appeal. Ugh. Billy Corgan – you are dead to me. Not that you were ever alive to me but I thought we shared an understanding that you keep the hoes in the closet and bring the classy lady on the carpet. Whatever. I’m over it. Not really.
I’m sure you’ve all heard by now that the Shamwow dude fucked up this hooker who bit him. Well, this is what he did to her. And that’s what you get for biting.
I don’t know whether its because I don’t have a heart or simply just don’t care about people but I feel nothing when I see this. It’s like, okay whatever. You’re a hooker. It’s part of the job. Deal with it. Prosecutors feel the same way because no charges have been filed.
Saw it here.
The left is natural and the right is photoshopped. I don’t really see a huge difference. They could have made her a lot thinner if they pleased but they didn’t. They kept her thick thighs and belly bulge intact and so who the hell cares. I loves me some Kim K and am not at all offended by her body.
It really upsets me that Jennifer Aniston is such a doucharella. Seriously. I can’t handle it. First she is played in front of the entire world by one Bradley Pitt and then she continues to get publicly played by every dude she’s with. I’m starting to think she is the problem, which I was avoiding doing for so long.
According to some website I’ll link at the bottom, Jen dumped John Mayer because he was too busy Twittering and not calling her.
A source says, “John suddenly stopped calling her or returning her emails and when she would finally catch up with him, he’d say: ‘I’ve been so busy with work. I’m sorry I haven’t had time to call you back’.
“Jen was fuming. There he was, telling her he didn’t have time for her and yet his page was filled with Twitter updates.
“He didn’t even deny it. He knew he was avoiding her. So when she called him on it and ended things, he just said OK, and that he was sorry it didn’t work out.
Hell FUCKING O JENNIFER. Were you not in that movie called He’s Just Not That Into You? You should have known this was going to happen the second after that picture above was published. I really love you but I can’t support you if you’re going to behave this way. I just can’t handle it.
Read more about this fucking bullshit here.
This is Demi Moore’s booty. Ashton Kutcher took this pic and then posted it on Twitter.
“watching my wife steam my suit while wearing a bikini. I love God!”
“Shh don’t tell wifey” (he attached the photo to this tweet)
Don’t tell wifey? I’m sure he said that as a figure of speech as opposed to a real request. But I think its cool that Ashton thinks he is a regular person and is as obsessed with online media as much as we are. And it’s not like he’s showing us something we’ve never seen before so who cares.
That is Lindsay Lohan’s mother. And she too is a whore.
I met her when I went to a Dave Matthews lung cancer benefit at MSG with Mike. Samantha Ronson was spinning and as soon as I saw her, I obsessed about meeting her and then essentially made Mike ask her if it was okay that we get a picture together. And then I started talking to her even though she was visibly drunk.
Me: I don’t know what people are talking about. You’re a great mom.
Dina: Oh thaaaaaaank you. You know these paparazzi are everywhere and they just want to ruin my life.
Me: I know all about it. And your ex-husband – what a mess. WHAT A MESS. You were voted Mother of the Year on Long Island even though your kids set the house on fire. Was he? No.
Dina: Oh, yeah. You know about that. I’m so happy someone is on our side. The paps hate us.
Me: Yeah. I watch your show. And you’re fucking awesome. So is Lindsay and Ali. It’s that ex-husband of yours.
Then she asked that we take more pictures together and asked me not to post this on my myspace.
Anywho, there is a warrant out for Lindsay’s arrest for being a drug addict whore. Then Lindsay denied there was a warrant and then the LAPD un-denied her denial and said that yes, we want her. And she’s been fighting with her terrible DJ of a girlfriend and it’s all a mess. Apparently the paps were stalking their house and saw it all go down. I’ll post the video tomorrow as I am sure there will be one.
I know its hard to get better when you get so low but this is a shame. Lindsay needs to go to jail and come out and Nicole Ritchie herself. Seriously. Get yourself together.
And if you’re wondering whether or not I smoked at this lung cancer benefit, the answer is yes. Some dude I met outside gave me half his j (awesome, right?) and we smoked as Dave sang some song I know I hated. Then I chased it with a cig.
Mike – we need more of these nights.
This is great. Britney Spears was performing in Tampa and her leotard or whatever was too small and her vajay was on display. You can hear her say “My pussy is hanging out!” as she dissapears beneath the stage.
Remember that time you forgot to wear underwear and then forgot to keep your legs closed and the entire world saw your lady parts? Yeah. It’s nothing new to us. But I still love you!
Apparently Nicky is now living across the street from Vanilla Ice. Down the block is Dennis Rodman. I really don’t see why he’d want to stay in such a vile environment.
Daniel keeps saying how he’s not coming back. But ever since the heater broke in the jacuzzi, I’m thinking he might change his mind. What kind of person enjoys an unheated jacuzzi? Seriously. Buy a standard or two.
So I have a confession to make and it is this: I love Kim Kardashian. I think she’s fabulous. She became famous for doing nothing and now makes a better living than anyone I know. I can’t hate on that simply because my main goal in life is to make lots of money doing something that won’t seem like a job. So today I stumble upon her website and find myself interested. I mean, I actually watched a video of her getting her makeup applied and was quite intrigued. And then I went to read her blog. Because I really want to be as successful as she is, I might pick up some pointers from her writings.
My first thoughts were, wow – this girl is a stupid exclamation mark abuser. I hate her. But then I calmed down and tried to look on the bright side. She was, after all, Kim K, and could not possibly be stupid. I shouldn’t hate on her because her writing style is different than mine. I should embrace her technique and try to learn. The below is a passage by Kim about her debut on Dancing with the Stars.
“Last night we danced the Rumba! Wow this show is a huge challenge for me! I really thought I did a good job! But the judges thought differently! This week I am just having more fun with it and haven’t really let the judges comments hurt me. I feel that in life when challenges come your way, sometimes God tests you, and wants you to learn, because that is what life is about! I hope the plan he has for me is to stay in a little bit longer, because I don’t think I have learned everything there is to learn from Dancing With The Stars yet!”
So I says to myself, if rappers and Britney Spears can thank God for their accomplishments, why cant Kim K beg him to help her win a dance competition? It is only fair. And then I says, Diana, your life is just as awesome. And doesn’t she just sound so happy? Perhaps you should give it a try. And so I do. The below is a passage by Diana K about her day in fabulous New York City!
Today I had to do billing! Wow, counting is so hard! But the calculator helps and I think I got it right this time! But my boss thought differently!! This week I just don’t give a f*ck and really haven’t let my lack of job security affect me! I feel that in life, when challenges come your way, sometimes God tests you, and wants you to learn, because it is what life is about! But how the hell did I get here?! I hope the plan he has for me is to not get fired because I don’t think I have learned everything there is to learn from corporate America yet! I don’t know about you but I think it works! And maybe now magically my butt will grow to look like hers!!