single girls are crazy

What Samsung really means is : ugly girls who favor glasses instead of makeup are not only single-fo-life but bat shit crazy as well. And please buy a camera!

fancy stop motion

new yorkers are assholes?

Comedian Mark Malkoff spends two days trying to get from downtown Manhattan to Harlem by having strangers carry him. He wanted to prove that New Yorkers are really nice people, deep down inside. They are nice – when there is a camera crew and two minutes of fame waiting for them at the other side.

Watch it. It’s funny.

how to tell the news

senior citizens and the internets

happy honika

falcon | and the balloon

This is what dumb looks like.

midgets!

It’s been a while since we’ve seen any of Zohra’s people. No, I don’t mean midgets, I mean Punjabi people.

From here.

i want | this

I spent my childhood watcing my mom play Super Mario Brothers and Zelda on Nintendo. The game console was in my room and when I’d come home from school, I would have to ask her if it was okay to shut off the game she had paused. It usually wasn’t okay. Mom has since upgraded to better systems but I sure would love to get her the old-school Nintendo. And by that I mean I would love it if someone took on that mini research project for me and just let me know where I could buy it.

<3 | sarah silverman

awww | kittens

the first | kiss re: lip-o-suction

What I do to get boys to kiss me? I touch their junk. That’s pretty much it.

roman polanski | chris hansen-ed

i | gun

best | wedding | ever

I’m not one of those regular girls. I don’t shop for hours, I hate fighting and sometimes I pee standing up. I also don’t live my life to get married. However, I do love weddings. And I love, love, LOVE this video. Two people in love having fun on their wedding day. Isn’t that what it’s all about?

turtle | rape

Clearly the she-turtle is not having fun because if she were, she would be making the same sexy time noises as her male counterpart. But on the other hand, I don’t get why the he-turtle wants to bang her so much. She just sits there. No noises, no hip gyrating, no nothing. I’m thinking this was the first and last time these two got together. She will text him, he will say he didn’t receive it and you know how the story goes.

cute | stuff

This pretty much sums up all relationships. At least all of mine.

The Murray | Hill Song

I didn’t know where Murray Hill was until someone told me not to long ago and I’ll be honest – I hate it. Frat boy douchebags in suits or their college sweatshirts. Wearing boat shoes without socks and khaki pants paired with what else…a collared shirt. Tucked in. Slutty girls from sororities all looking the same. Sickening.

It makes sense Raquel decided to live there. Actually no. It doesn’t make sense. I have no idea why she picked this neighborhood but she did. But its about 10 blocks from my job and I’m sure one of these days I will definitely use her for her prime location.

Thanks for showing me your neighborhood anthem Rakiki.

new | eminem

I can’t stand this shit. I know he makes these first singles for the masses but I’m over making fun of celebs and all that. We get it. I’m hoping the rest of the CD will be better because if its not, its going to be a major disappointment.

james franco | room destroyer

A few things

1) I hurt my neck today because I’ve been turning around to make sure The Man isn’t coming while I’m not working. It was all in vain as he didn’t even say hello to me as we passed in the halls. I’m thinking its me.

2) I love James Franco. He is currently getting his MFA at Columbia U and I really wanted to meet him. And so I devised an elaborate stalking manifesto in which I described in intense detail how I would “accidentally” run into him and we’d chat and naturally he would realize we are meant to be.

3) But then I read in Page Six how he is annoyed with the freshman girls who gawk at him while he is working in the library and I decided my glorious plan would have to be put on hold. If we are meant to be, we will be.

4) I wish someone would let me destroy a room. I always want to destroy mine, especially when I can’t find something. And I used to break shit all the time when I was angry but then I grew older and realized that hey, this is my shit and I have to pay to replace it. So now I don’t destroy anything but my mental health.

5) Good times.